January 10, 2011

Seasons of life

Kevin and I have been really fixated on something we heard on the radio Saturday. But, before I elaborate, let me take you back to where it began.

Friday was a hard day for me. Not only did the day drag on at work, but when I got home I felt empty. I was hesitant to fix supper for fear that the kids wouldn't like it (we've been having dinner table drama lately). I was behind on laundry, watching it overflow from the basket in our room. I was mentally exhausted from a short, yet very long, first week back at work after the holidays. I was burnt out. I didn't even know what to feel, really.

We made it through supper, through the mountain of clothes, through the dishes. I put Morgen to bed and tried to catch up with various things online. Bills were paid, I browsed online for a bit, I got tired. I was talking to Kevin about how I'm still struggling with the whole "step-parent" thing. Trying to get accustomed to someone else's child as though they are your own is hard. Not only are your feelings involved, but the child's feelings are involved, too. And we have definitely had our ups and downs with that whole situation. I told Kevin that I wasn't sure what to do, and he gave me the ultimate answer.

Let's pray about it.

In the 2 and a half some years that I have been with him, we have always tried to solve our problems in other ways. But, he simplified it for me. And to hear that come from him was amazing. I just needed someone to remind me of what I should have been doing all along.

Saturday we all went grocery shopping as a family. We had the radio playing Christian music and we were all content and quiet in the car. We heard a commercial come on, keeping on subject with the radio station, and it started talking about seasons of life. Kevin asked me if I heard it, and I hadn't, so he explained to me what the woman had said. He explained that I was going through seasons, and how all of them may not have been through Him, but that He still loved me anyway. It really made me think. I need a new season to my life, and I want Him involved.

We've been listening to that radio station every time we get in the car. It calms me. I can't even begin to explain how it makes me feel. Kevin and I have had more conversations about this "season" and I'm beginning to understand. I'm working on taking a season to think about me. To ask for help from Him for all the things I need. To place my stress on Him.

This is very different for me. A step outside of the box. I'm still clumsy in my faith, but I want to change that. And there's no better time than now. In this new season of my life.

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